The tides begin to turn.

How one message changed my emotional outlook.

I was going to write today’s Jeremy’s Journal on the frequency that I (maybe we) experience lazy days. You may scoff. That doesn’t sound very interesting… I assure you that I would have filled the page with dry wit and self deprecating humour, with just a touch of self pity. I likely would have recommended that we all take the rest of the day off. Which, to be clear, is still my intention. But I just received a piece of good news in the shape of an email, and all of a sudden my day feels so much sunnier.

It’s hardly what I need, really - it’s already 35°C. But isn’t that so fascinating? That a few words can flood your brain and body with enough chemicals to totally change your mood in a matter of moments. I literally answered a few messages before I began typing, and in less time than it takes me to make a cup of tea, I feel like a radically different person. I am more smily, more light hearted. I sometimes forget the power that the chemicals in my body are able to produce. I sometimes forget that I am made up of chemicals at all.

I don’t know why I have these semi-occasional days of demotivation but when I’m stuck in one, I feel like my world is tasteless. Given the choice of a treat from the store, I opted for nothing. I wasn’t in the mood for chocolate or bread or any of life’s pleasures less rewarding than carbohydrates. It’s that mood when you skip song after song on a playlist that you spent hours curating. I think the feeling might have been called lethargy by a poet. You and I call it meh.

I have heard people call the world colourless, but I have some experience in black and white photography, and I assure you that a colourless world is just as vibrant and beautiful as this one is. I am sort of at a loss for what to say to you. A rarity, I’m sure. Perhaps you deserve just a little context before I check out for the rest of the day and enjoy a cocktail by the pool (that’s a lie, I’m going to watch Netflix in bed).

I’ve been struggling for some time to find a job opportunity that fits me. I find that I can make some money here and there, but I’ve really struggled to work for a company that I resonate with. My girlfriend called it work with a soul. I like that. I really want to work for people who are kind, honest, driven. I can’t stand the feeling that I’m creating more noise in the world instead of pushing back. The email I received was for a small job with the right person. It’s not enough money to pay all my bills, and who knows how much work there’ll be, but here’s the upside. It’s got soul, buckets of it. I was discouraged. I got hundreds of no’s. It just takes one yes.