One hundred and sixty two days.
Finally seeing my parents again.
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My parents land in Berlin in five days. I can’t remember exactly when I last saw them. I left Cape Town on the eleventh of October last year, but my best friend and his wife spent the morning with me and then took me to the airport. My parents and I decided that all three of us would be a mess if they said goodbye at the airport. I seem to remember saying goodbye to my mom late in the morning on the eleventh, when she went to work. I can’t remember whether I woke up early to say goodbye to my dad or whether I said goodbye to him the night before. In either case, when I fetch them at the airport this week, it will be five months since I last saw them. We speak often. I send them photos when I have any worth sending (though I don’t take nearly enough, I think). This is, though, the longest I have ever gone without hugging my parents. Five months is far longer than I ever thought I’d go without seeing my parents at all, but we’ve slowly worked up to it. In January 2023, I visited Germany and didn’t see them for two and a half months. In 2022, I was away for four months and a few weeks, working in the US. Somehow, this visit is far more precious. The three of us knew, then, that I would return home. I was gone for a while, yes, but I had a return ticket. Now, though, my return to South Africa is less certain.
I’ve put quite a lot of thought into my parents’s visit. I’ve consulted many German friends and family on the ‘Berliner’ snacks and sights that my mom and dad can’t miss. I’ve asked my girlfriend to plan two days of sightseeing. I’ve chatted with her family about the cities we should visit, which dates we can borrow cars on, which of them want to join us on our adventures. As soon as they booked their flights, I’ve been making mental notes whenever I see a biergarten or café that I think my parents will like. When I tried planning our first week in Berlin, I found that I had forgotten them all. Faced with the closing date of their arrival, I’ve felt rising pressure to design the perfect stay. I can’t quite figure out what to prioritise. Do I show them my Berlin? Do we walk the walk I walk to German school every day? Do we shop for groceries at the store around the corner, where I get milk and eggs? Or do I ensure that I tick everything off of the tourist list? Brandenburger Tor, Reichstag, Tiergarten, the museums. And, of course, we have to eat good food. They’re crossing the world; I have to make sure they have an excellent time. Excellent. How do they define excellent? Is the café around my corner cute enough to justify spending their limited time there?
It took me far too long to realise that none of this matters. Or, maybe, that it matters very, very little. My parents should, at least, try some German beer. My girlfriend, in her wisdom, told me the same thing last weekend, as have my parents whenever we chatted on the phone—they are most excited to see me again, and they haven’t really considered what they’d like to see in Berlin. In all of my scheduling and rescheduling, I often asked my girlfriend for ideas (though she has only lived in Berlin for a year and a half, she is German and has a much better idea of what Berlin has to offer). Many of her ideas were met with scepticism, many more with downright negativity. I was trying very hard to formulate the most fascinating, most complete tour of Berlin, tailored especially to my parents. I scrutinised every idea—whether mine, my girlfriend's, or anyone else’s—and only allowed the most perfect ones to be added to the plan. I then sought more perfecter ideas and rearranged my plans. I haven’t seen them in so long. I wanted to avoid every possibility of disappointment. I was trying so hard to make our time together special. I forgot that they are coming here to see me, not Brandenburger Tor.
In the short time since letting my stubbornness go and embracing the wisdom of my girlfriend, I’ve dreamed up new things for us to do together. I’m really excited to stand on my apartment’s small balcony with my mom and bask in the sunlight that is finally swallowing up the winter. I want to point at all the buildings I know and tell her which way is east and which way is west. I want to show my dad how our coffee machine works, and watch him patiently listen, even though he knows how it works. I want to go on a walk and talk about nonsense and complain about how loud the Feuerwehr (fire engine) sirens are. I want to compare all the beautiful buildings here to the ones in our neighbourhood in Cape Town. I want to translate all of the new and weird groceries in the shops. I want to watch my mom try all kinds of German cheeses and sausages while my dad eats the same breakfast he always does. I want to chat and laugh and catch-up and eat lots of cake and show off how much German I’ve learnt. I am so beyond excited to see my parents again. I’m a grown man, and I cannot wait for my mom and dad to hold me.
Because of my parents’s trip, this will be the last journal for a while. The next journal will be published on the 13th of April.
My mom has threatened to hug me and not let go for the entire duration of their stay. If you enjoyed this journal, please send it to someone you love.
Have a wonderful, wonderful family time and enjoy every hug!!