I don’t wanna!

This post was late on purpose.

I don’t want to write today. I don’t particularly want to do anything. I have some work I probably should do. I have some chores that I could do if I liked. But all I really want to do is nothing. I sort of can, too. I’ve made sure that I’ve already met all of my serious deadlines this week. And yet, my fingers itch if I lie in bed and watch a movie.

Who are we kidding? I didn’t dig through Netflix’s seven new original movies to figure out which one I want to put on in the background while I check Instagram or online shop or add another checkbox to my to-do list. I clicked on the first video in my YouTube recommended feed. I’m ten minutes in and I have no clue what’s going on. Do you ever wonder how people did everything before the internet? Do you think being bored is important?

I remember when I visited the UK on my own, the first thing I bought was a SIM card. I needed the internet to talk to my parents back home, help me navigate, show me where to get the best loose leaf tea (it’s Whittard of Chelsea, fight me). It was actually remarkable how much the internet enabled me. If I had cash and data, I could go anywhere and do anything. My experience was a far cry from my Grandpa’s first visit to London, standing in front of the labyrinthine underground map, trying to construct his journey before he committed to hopping on the tube.

I don’t feel enabled by the internet today. I feel deeply distracted. I am six videos deep in the YouTube autoplay rabbit hole. I could pull myself away, I could write or run or read or another R word. I don’t want to. Maybe the it’s my attitude and not the internet’s fault. Or maybe it’s like sorting eleven year olds into Slytherin house; that kid might be an elitist in first year, but graduates Hogwarts a full blown death eater. What if the Hogwarts houses and the internet both simply act as magnifiers? Want a recipe? Here are 700. Feeling lazy? Never leave your bed again.

The internet is such a powerful tool, and I often feel grateful to have access to it. I spend time with older folk and the ease with which I can access information is made abundantly clear to me. However, I feel that the internet can also take advantage of me when I feel vulnerable. On my lazier days, I find myself saying, I’ll stop after this next video. Okay, this next one. Okay, this one for real. You should know that your attention is so valuable that dozens of companies spend billions of dollars trying to get just a few more minutes. Thank you for spending some of it on me.