Choo choo!

An experiment in overthinking.

How’s it going? A friend recently asked me that question. I don’t know how it’s going. And what’s it? If it is life, then it’s funny to think of my life as going. It reminds me of that joke; Is your refrigerator running? Well then you’d better catch it!

I suppose there’s a duality to the word going. My instinct is to answer the question How are you creating momentum in your life? The going feels like my responsibility. It’s up to me to wake up, exercise, cook my own meals, earn a salary, be a functioning human. I fear answering that question, then. I worry that I’ll only have two out of ten answers correct. What If I am supposed to be doing a better job at going than I’m doing at the moment. It all feels like a race, and I’m always checking my mirrors.

The other way I imagine this question is as a passenger on the train of life. Time keeps moving. Life is going, run by an unseen engine, time and life and the world continue to move and you are simply along for the ride. I can’t tell if I prefer this interpretation to the first. I think that imagining myself as a passenger on a train whizzing on a monorail can be a little overwhelming. If I choose to hear this question as a loss of control, my anxiety begins to rise a little. Come on! I hear them call out. We’re going to miss the train. Run!

Perhaps it is most telling that both of my interpretations seem to have worry written all over them. Maybe that’s how I’m going. I’m not sure that’s true though. I find that the more I think, the more I am able to convince myself that I either am or should be concerned. Perhaps the best way to answer that question, then, is not by thinking, but by feeling. We seldom ask one another How do you feel? When we are greeting a loved one and certainly not when meeting a stranger. I think that’s what we are asking, though. So, without thinking, how do I feel?

I’m fine, thanks. How’s it going with you?