Do you ever doubt yourself? The answer must be yes, it’s such a ubiquitous and frustrating human quality. It seems sometimes that no matter how many compliments I get or how much encouragement my loved ones send my way, there’s an annoying mosquito buzz in the back of my mind telling me that I’m secretly incapable.
Just like real mosquitos, I struggle to find and squash that one. I don’t know why, but today I just feel unmotivated, like what’s the point anyway? That irritating buggy hum tells me that it’s pointless continuing because I’ll just fail anyway. I find that my mosquito worms his way into every aspect of my day. I hear a buzz when I am trying to eat healthy, putting my running shoes on, telling myself that this is the last TikTok at 00:34.
I feel most vulnerable to that mosquito’s sting (bite?) though, when he targets my career. Maybe it’s something I need to reflect on personally, but I certainly feel that the shadows of doubt I cast over my creative work are the darkest. Why is that? Perhaps it’s simply part of every creative journey, at some point in the adventure you’ll need to cross a bridge and a smartass troll is already waiting to patronise you.
Clearly I haven’t got a clue as to what’s going on. That mosquito is rattling around in my head even as I write this. I re-read each line and question my wild metaphors. I do know this, I think it’s time to get a bug zapper.