Around 20,000

Questioning masculine expectations.

Do you ever think about what you’re supposed to be? You may not find it terribly surprising that I’ve always been quite a talkative person. In almost all scenarios, whether socially or academically, I can find something to say. The same was true when I attended university, I would often raise my hand to discuss the finer details of the PowerPoint on display, usually to the tune of classmates’ varying levels of chagrin.

One day in class we were discussing how stereotypes concerning masculine and feminine behaviour differ. One point was that women allegedly speak about double the words that men do, daily. I think you can see where I’m going with this. I can’t quite recall how it came about, but I inevitably made a comment or asked a question during that lesson. My lecturer mentioned in passing that I speak far more than a normal man, and that my word count more accurately represents that of a woman. I like to believe that he did not intend to be hurtful, but he clearly hit a nerve.

His words, alongside other life experience like poor sportsmanship, made me doubt my masculinity for a moment. I carefully, painstakingly reflected on my behaviour and where it appeared to differ from expected masculine expression. This is a complex and I believe emotionally risky undertaking. After all, what is a man? How ought he to behave? I think the answer probably differs from zip code to zip code. It’s easy to suggest positive traits like reliability or responsibility, but that doesn’t really tell you how a man presents himself as masculine; how he dresses, how he walks, how many words he manages to squeeze into 24 hours.

I started thinking about what I should be. How did I behave that wasn’t manly enough? Did the words I used, or indeed the volume of them, minimise my masculinity? Perhaps grunts would earn me more man points. In truth, though, suggesting that a grunt would be more manly is just as hurtful as my lecturer’s words were. This question doesn’t come with an answer, and it is likely one that I will ask myself again; how do I choose to present my masculinity? All I know is that it presently includes a patchy beard and many, many words. Spoken or otherwise.